CHARLIE WINDSOR - AN APOLOGY

The Westphalia Express would like to apologise unreservedly for misleading its readers. In this week's popular photos from yesteryear supplement 'Woebegones' we published nostalgic images from a Young Conservative barbecue in the 1960s and erroneously said that a young Charlie Windsor was standing third from the left. This was clearly a mistake, as everyone knows our man Charlie did not set foot in Westphalia-on-Sea until 2002, and didn't even join the Tory Party until 1997. While he clearly has no genuine connections with Westphalia-on-Sea we can confirm that he would very much like you all to vote for him at the next election so that he can begin to recoup some of the expense he has incurred in his desperate attempt to get his snout in the Westminster feeding trough.

CLARIFICATION ON THOSE PESKY COVENANTS

Deputy Mayor Ahmad Hatter caused a little consternation yesterday with his rather ambiguous statement on covenants. Luckily the Westphalia Express was on hand to glean further clarification from our illustrious deputy leader. "What I meant to say," he said, "was that we would carefully consider each covenant on its own merits, and then rip it up and do what the fuck we like. I do apologise for any misunderstanding caused, and will endeavour to be rather more forthright in future when stating my views. In my opinion people need to be a lot less sentimental about green open spaces which in truth are nothing more than prime building sites that have been woefully neglected."