WESTPHALIA-ON-SEA TORY GROUP AXES ITS LEADER

The political world of Westphalia-on-Sea was reeling today from the shock of Deputy Mayor Ahmad Hatter losing the support of the Tory group. A spokesperson for the party explained: "Ahmad is extremely well-liked and has done a wonderful job in the Bay. We just wanted to show our support and gratitude in the time-honoured Tory tradition of stabbing him in the back while he was away, rather like we did with Mrs Thatcher. Ahmad has worked tirelessly to tarmac over the Bay, and will hopefully now enjoy his well-earned retirement."
Mr Hatter had this to say as he shrugged off the defeat: "I do feel as if I have had a big weight lifted off my shoulders. Trying to keep the group together was a difficult job. I am quite relaxed about these jealous bastards ousting me from power in this completely underhand way, and am thoroughly looking forward to spending more time with my family."
Prospective Tory parliamentary candidate for the Bay Charlie Windsor was caught on the hop, and could only utter the most meaningless comments: "It’s a bit sudden. I heard yesterday morning."
He added: "Ahmad Hatter is a good friend. It’s up to the councillors who they have as leader. I think he’s been leader for long enough. He’s not a young man, but I hope he stays on as deputy mayor.

"Things happen in local politics. This is not entirely a surprise. Kevin has been a good force for the Bay."

When asked if 'This is not entirely a surprise' didn't actually contradict 'It's a bit sudden' two lines earlier, Mr Windsor replied: "Now look here, you people should be trying to uncover the Lib Dem plot behind all of this instead of worrying about whether I can make a coherent statement or not. And anyway, what I have said is true and I stand by it. I did hear about it yesterday morning, and things do happen in local politics. These are the facts, and jolly interesting facts they are too, made all the more interesting by their inherent truthfulness."