TOILET ANNOUNCEMENT ROCKS MONTE CARLO

The announcement by Deputy Mayor Ahmad Hatter that there will be substantial improvements to public toilets in Westphalia-on-Sea has sent a shock wave along the French Riviera which has hit the very foundations of the casino at Monte Carlo. A spokesperson for the casino in Monte Carlo said: 'we were already a leetel worried about losing some of our super-rich visitors to Westphalia-on-Sea, but with a new casino and improved toilets there we simply won't be able to compete; we 'ave zerefore decided to close ze casino.' When asked what they would do with the empty casino building the spokesperson said: 'We 'ave decided to follow ze example of Westphalia-on-Sea; eet iz a very beautiful period building, so we will knock eet down and build a concrete eyesore in eets place. If zat is not popular we will knock zat down and zen leave eet looking like a building site for ten years. Enfin, we will build a ... ow you say ... marine aviary, which will probably not attract anysing like the projected visitor numbers.'