MAYOR EXPLAINS ALTERNATIVE TO CAR PARKS

Dr Pangloss today answered critics who question the wisdom of selling off two town centre car parks for luxury building development. Speaking from his office at the Town Hall he said: 'A number of people have asked where all the cars will park in future, but this line of questioning is, quite frankly, naive. Anyone who has seen the James Bond film ThunderBall will know that jetpacks will be the preferred mode of transport in the future, and they require very little storage space. Alternatively our new upmarket tourists from the north will parachute into the refreshing waters of the bay from private aircraft and then be plucked from the blue-flag-certified briny by water taxis and taken to their four-star hotel, so clearly there will be very little need for car parking spaces in the near future.'
When asked how the water taxis would reach the door of any hotels which weren't on the waterfront the mayor added: 'They will be amphibious machines, similar to the one in The Spy Who Loved Me.'
When our reporter pointed out there were also glaring similarlities between Casino Royale and the plans for a new waterfront casino and asked whether the mayor was perhaps using old James Bond films as a blueprint for town planning, the mayor had this to say: 'That is utterly preposterous. I get my inspiration for regenerating the town from a wide variety of sources such as eye-wateringly expensive consultants, my mother and christmas crackers, but not from Bond films. I do not waste my time thinking about Octopussy, Pussy Galore, or any other kind of pussy for that matter*.'

*clearly a reference to Bond villain Blofeld, who stroked a white cat. Ed